I remember...

When I was teenager, I went to camp with the local youth club, I'd like to say that I loved every second but that would be a lie, why? I was 17 and the only reason I went, was because I ex boyfriend was there too! I wanted to be around him, I was so jealous at the thought of him being around other girls. But while there, I met another boy, his name was Isador, he and I became fast friends, but we were never able to connect on the same level and I didn't really understand why, until one of the youth workers, divulged the fact that Isador was, in fact, Autistic, I didn't fully understand what that meant; So I researched it and I asked questions, the way it was explained to me, I don't fully remember but, something about a bunch of butterfly's and struggling to catch them. Now, I'm not autistic, so I can't really comment on how accurate that analogy was, but I did learn to be more patient with Isador.

We became close, he allowed me to see into his world slightly and I allowed him to see mine, it was nice. One day, we were sat outside in the court yard, I was leaning on his shoulder because I felt low and I couldn't really grasp why. 

This is a feeling that I am all too familiar with, now, back then, I thought there had to be a trigger but now? I know that's not the case! Isador asked me to explain depression to him, he didn't fully understand it so, this is the explanation that I gave.

Bricks.

Imagine for a moment, you are walking down a street on a perfect day, it's sunny, not a cloud in the sky, you're happy, everything seems absolutely perfect! But you turn a corner and suddenly, a ton of bricks lands on you, out of nowhere, you don't know where they came from, there's nobody around that could've been responsible for dropping them, but that doesn't matter, all you know is, you need to get from under these bricks, its hard to breathe and it hurts! So, You start to shout for help, but with every breath, the weight on your lungs becomes heavier, your shouts become a whisper, until, you can't shout for help anymore, nobody can hear you so, nobody comes to help you, eventually, you realise that if you just shuffle slightly, you are able to loosen the bricks and dig your way out, so you do that, then once you're out, you keep walking, you feel a bit achey but you're alive, so you keep walking, until the pain stops and you almost forget about the bricks... until it inevitably happens again.

Not The Best Analogy.

There are better way's to describe it! But this is my experience and Isador, he understood, he didn't speak, all he did was hug me, and that spoke volumes!

You see, it doesn't really matter how you describe your experience, as long as the people you're trying to educate, are willing to listen and understand. I never saw Isador after camp, I do hope he's happy and living his best life! 

I don't know if this post will make sense to anyone but me, and that's okay! If you get it, you get it, if you don't? Well, I guess, consider yourself lucky!

Be save, make good choices and if you can't have fun, always.

With Love,

Winter.